Humor

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  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>Olman may 2014</p>\n<p>Reading a book is like an interaction with a person. I have been around my wife for 33 years and have grown steadily in depth of respect and fondness. I never tire of being around her.</p>\n', created = 1484844867, expire = 1484931267, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:2ffb7bb3aef98acd9e2bec595adc5a0c' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.
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  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>Raptor Jesus Aug. 2012 (Some adult language)</p>\n<p>My knee gave out over the weekend, and so I thought it would be a nice time to hole up with a \"good book.\" Therefore, with ice, ibuprofen, and my brace, I re-read the Miracle of Forgiveness and will share my thoughts forthwith.</p>\n', created = 1484844867, expire = 1484931267, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:efb4fe51691693fa772eb480fe85ca6e' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.
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  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>roxy Aug 2012</p>\n<p>OK so I was born and raised in Europe, I don\'t live there any longer, but the church isn\'t huge over there. Missions must be very hard and the pickings are slim. The only people in my home ward ever seemed to get baptized were the vulnerable, and the slightly unhinged/mentally ill people. This made for some hilarious Testimonkey meetings</p>\n', created = 1484844867, expire = 1484931267, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:89fa147c62c6701dade73634b4ded044' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.
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  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>eternal1 Aug 2012</p>\n<p>Not a ward story, but, when my father in law came to visit with his new wife, (that doesn\'t know how to shut-up), we were talking about the temple and she went on to tell us how she loved to go there because she was best friends with Emma Smith (in the pre-existence) and Emma would come to her in the temple</p>\n', created = 1484844867, expire = 1484931267, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:941e0f4dbe63d4a0a62f6350a316519b' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.
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  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>by anonofthis Apr 2012 [note: City Creek Mall cost was approximately $2 billion, $5 billion includes related development in SLC,]</p>\n<p>Sing to When upon life\'s Billows...</p>\n<p>When upon life\'s billows and you need to shop<br />\nWhen you are discouraged at the parking lots<br />\nCome to CITY CREEEEK,..... each and everyone<br />\nAnd it will surprise you what God\'s corp-or-ation\'s done</p>\n', created = 1484844868, expire = 1484931268, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:e379e174983dbf4aebbe2e81d0b26fdf' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.
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  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>by Mormon Observer Mar 2012</p>\n<p>Jesus wants me for a shopper to shop for him each day.</p>\n', created = 1484844868, expire = 1484931268, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:469c83773dfc2801a2715137c1cee60d' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.
  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: SELECT data, created, headers, expire, serialized FROM cache_filter WHERE cid = '2:911926f4c5be3dd4dd698df40f886305' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 27.
  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>by Lost Mar 2012</p>\n<p>At 5:45AM this morning, the good ole missionaries dropped by to wake up our entire household.</p>\n<p>Reason for their visit? Our Bishop Jackwagon wants Brother Lost to honor his Priesthood covenants (I thought I had lost those cause I had resigned?) and CLEAN THE CHAPEL before the meetings start this morning at 9AM. Apparently, the bathrooms need special attention, since the toilets are backed up.</p>\n', created = 1484844868, expire = 1484931268, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:911926f4c5be3dd4dd698df40f886305' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.
  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: SELECT data, created, headers, expire, serialized FROM cache_filter WHERE cid = '2:29bbc3f39f862d5c07b679468172d29f' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 27.
  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>by imalive</p>\n<p>\"My bishop got up and emphasized how God loves ALL his children, including the Jews, Christians, and yes, even the Muslims. BUT--we have more to offer because we are the true church on the face of the earth\"</p>\n', created = 1484844868, expire = 1484931268, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:29bbc3f39f862d5c07b679468172d29f' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.
  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: SELECT data, created, headers, expire, serialized FROM cache_filter WHERE cid = '2:c85f2fb17b2f4e564ea6aed0a8355384' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 27.
  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>by almostgone</p>\n<p>\"I know that this is the church of jesus christ of latter day saints.\" And it was the a member of the bishopric... TOO funny.</p>\n<p>I actually laughed out loud and my spouse was not happy about that.</p>\n', created = 1484844868, expire = 1484931268, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:c85f2fb17b2f4e564ea6aed0a8355384' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.

Your Servant's Review of Miracle of Forgiveness

Olman may 2014

Reading a book is like an interaction with a person. I have been around my wife for 33 years and have grown steadily in depth of respect and fondness. I never tire of being around her.

Raptor Jesus re-reads the Miracle of Forgiveness. (Adult with adult language)

Raptor Jesus Aug. 2012 (Some adult language)

My knee gave out over the weekend, and so I thought it would be a nice time to hole up with a "good book." Therefore, with ice, ibuprofen, and my brace, I re-read the Miracle of Forgiveness and will share my thoughts forthwith.

Ward Crazies - Share your stories here pt1

roxy Aug 2012

OK so I was born and raised in Europe, I don't live there any longer, but the church isn't huge over there. Missions must be very hard and the pickings are slim. The only people in my home ward ever seemed to get baptized were the vulnerable, and the slightly unhinged/mentally ill people. This made for some hilarious Testimonkey meetings

More Mormon ward crazies stories pt2

eternal1 Aug 2012

Not a ward story, but, when my father in law came to visit with his new wife, (that doesn't know how to shut-up), we were talking about the temple and she went on to tell us how she loved to go there because she was best friends with Emma Smith (in the pre-existence) and Emma would come to her in the temple

The Five Billion Dollar Mormon City Creek Mall Song

by anonofthis Apr 2012 [note: City Creek Mall cost was approximately $2 billion, $5 billion includes related development in SLC,]

Sing to When upon life's Billows...

When upon life's billows and you need to shop
When you are discouraged at the parking lots
Come to CITY CREEEEK,..... each and everyone
And it will surprise you what God's corp-or-ation's done

T_Shirt contest for the mall of the Lard!

by Mormon Observer Mar 2012

Jesus wants me for a shopper to shop for him each day.

Yep, Toilets need cleaning at the ward level. (Mild Rant-no language)

by Lost Mar 2012

At 5:45AM this morning, the good ole missionaries dropped by to wake up our entire household.

Reason for their visit? Our Bishop Jackwagon wants Brother Lost to honor his Priesthood covenants (I thought I had lost those cause I had resigned?) and CLEAN THE CHAPEL before the meetings start this morning at 9AM. Apparently, the bathrooms need special attention, since the toilets are backed up.

A Very Whacked Up Mormon Fast and Testimony Meeting (one naughty word)

by imalive

"My bishop got up and emphasized how God loves ALL his children, including the Jews, Christians, and yes, even the Muslims. BUT--we have more to offer because we are the true church on the face of the earth"

Funniest thing heard in Mormon testimony meeting

by almostgone

"I know that this is the church of jesus christ of latter day saints." And it was the a member of the bishopric... TOO funny.

I actually laughed out loud and my spouse was not happy about that.