Recovery from Mormonism

by closet questioner Nov 2011
Tithing, garments or church attendance?

For those who stopped wearing garments before stopping church attendance, what was the time frame between the two? What caused you to make that final decision to stop attending?

Thanks.

peregrine
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Tithing: 3 years ago after I saw it being wasted because they thought they were above the law and didn't call for permits and had a building project get cancelled after throwing tithing money into a hole in the ground.
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,316348,316348#msg-316348

Garments: about 2 years ago. I went on a two week packpacking trip and wore real underwear so I wouldn't chaffe. Realizing how much more comfortable they were I've never gone back.

Attendance: Gradually faded out to once or twice a month until about 3 months ago. Now I only go for family events, blessings, etc.

As far as what finally pushed me over the edge: I was talking with me wife after church one day, complaining about the barage of logical fallacies in the SM talks and she just asked me why I was still going. I told her that I didn't want her to have the stigma of going alone. She said she didn't mind and convinced me that I didn't need to keep going just for her.

jameswilmons
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
1. Tithing
2. Church attendance
3. Garments

I stopped wearing them everyday but when I did go to church I would usually wear them. Finally I stopped going altogether and boxed up the undies.

closet questioner
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Should have disclosed my status.

Stopped tithing about nine years ago. Stopped garments probably six or so years ago. Still attending church.

Wife stopped garments this summer. I'm hoping it's not long now.

Tabula Rasa
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Church attendance.

Tithing.

Garments.

I was too lazy to go get some boxers I think.

Ron

Stumbling
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Current elimination status...

Tithing - 100% I'm a full non tithe payer
Attendance - 40% of the way there
Garments - 50% of the way there

peregrine
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Stumbling Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Garments - 50% of the way there

You just wearing the bottoms? ;)

CA girl
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
1. Garments - I always hated them so they were the first thing to go.
2. Tithing - Second, because I had to get up the nerve to ask DH to quit paying tithing on my half of the combined income. It took nerve because he makes most of the combined income. I asked if we could pay on our net for a year instead of the gross. Then I asked if we could pay on half. Now we don't pay at all but I think DH wants to start on his half again in January. I don't know why because he never attends but it's his decision.
3. Attendance - We'd still go once in a while because DH still considers himself LDS even if he doesn't fully believe in everything. Once in a while, he'll feel like we should all go to church together.

notion
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
tithing first .... garments went within a year ... i left in another six months.

cl2
Wow! My timeline is LONG
When I found out my gay ex was cheating--we had read in the book "Peculiar People" about a psychiatrist in SLC who dealt with this issue and we had to pay out of pocket to see him. I quit paying tithing then--so we could afford to go see him. What a waste--almost like giving money to the LDS church. He told my ex he was attractive and he could find someone. He told me that we could work this marriage out. He died a few years later in his 50s. I tend to believe he was a married gay.

We went inactive a while after this--maybe 2 years even. The bishop told me my ex (who was ex. sec at the time) would be one of the next 2 bishops. OVER MY DEAD BODY. I went inactive as I knew they wouldn't call him to be bishop if he had an inactive wife.

Fast forward some 14 years--yep 14 years--and my old nonmormon boyfriend came back into my life. Even my daughter (who is now TBM) was asking me why I still wore garments. I had to go talk to my exmo therapist about that one AND he sent me HERE to read about the fears people have of not wearing their garments anymore. I read thread after archived thread and I laughed until I cried. I just barely threw out the rest of my garments recently--and I quit wearing them 6 years ago.

Stumbling
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
You are now taking an unhealthy interest....

Nope, wear them about fifty percent of the time.

peregrine
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
I got told by a mission prez that "just wearing the bottoms" was worse than not wearing them at all. No idea where he pulled that little doctrinal gem from.

lulu
Fasting went first. 

onlyme
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
1. Church attendance first. I told my wife about my disbelief one sunday after church, quit going starting that day, with a few exceptions.

2. Tithing a few months later. I decided to take it slow and let my wife get used to one change at a time so I waited before talking to her about tithing. She stays home with the kids and pays 5% of our income.

3. Garments hasn't happened yet, still wearing them about 90% of the time. No reason other than being too cheap to go underwear shopping.

jazzskeeter
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
All at once.

One week I was at church running the nursery, paying my tithing and wearing my garments.

The next week I was gone.

dthenonreligious
I had a similar experince.
On the mission I quit doing all three. Yes, I had to pay tithing on the Mission. I lied about how much I made, but still it sucked.

Misfit
Re: I had a similar experince.
Wait a minute, wah? Were you a mission president w/ passive income or something? Most 19 yr old missionaries don't earn money during their missions and don't have enough yet to be earning loads of income on passive investments.

dthenonreligious
Re: I had a similar experince.
No, I am not a MP. I also was not 19 when I went on the mission trip. I was just a little older.

wowbagger
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
out of his bottom perhaps

Misfit
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
1. Jan 2010-Tithing stopped.

2. After that, garments worn only during Sundays for awhile to meetings as a disguise. Hence my logo on the other boards. Gs were off completely a few months later.

3.During a year or so period, went from skipping third hour 50% of the time, then to 100% of the time, to skipping 2nd and 3rd hour, then to only attending Fast & Testimony Madness once a month for entertainment purposes. The bond of marriage is strong, so the bandaid had to come off slowly and painfully. By Mother's Day 2010, The bandaid was completely off.

Now only attending if DW is singing in choir or if anyone in my family is giving a talk.

brett
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
1. Tithing - began by paying about 50% less than I was supposed to. Then stopped completely.

2. Garments

3. Attendance

This all happened in about a 6 month time period.

freeman
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Tithing - haven't paid a penny since I got married, and didn't pay much before, being a student in the two years leading up to my wedding. Probably only paid £1000 in my entire life. I have always found better uses for my own money even when I nominally "believed".

Garments and Church attendance I am still mixed with. I haven't completely given up either, due to my marriage to a TBM. I have gone months without going to church, only for the wife to suggest we "make more of an effort". I haven't "respected" my garments for a long time, but need to keep up appearances. I sometimes wear boxers, however, and worryingly don't find them as comfortable!!!

rodolfo
OT to CL2
HEY CL2
BTW, entertained old (BYU) friends visiting from SFO this past weekend, one of whom was a tragic star of Peculiar People. One topic we all agreed on was how much we all LOVE YOU!
R.

AtheistMarine
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
1. Tithing
2. Church attendance
3. Never had garments (THANK FSM!)

Don Bagley
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Never paid tithing on earned money. Never wore garments. Stopped attending as soon as I was old enough to fight back against idiot father.

robertb
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
1. Tithing

2. Church attendance and garments simultaneously

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2011 06:10PM by robertb.

Cheryl
Paid almost no tithing, never wore garmies, quit attending when I hit adulthood.: 

cl2
THANK YOU! rodolfo
and for lulu--fasting went FIRST for me, too (or was it R-rated movies?).

I couldn't fast while pregnant--and I never fasted again.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2011 06:20PM by cl2.

mia
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Husband and I stopped all of it cold turkey in one day. It wasn't hard to do.

forestpal
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
--Garments went first, after three sleepless nights trying to sleep in them, and days of sweating in them. We were in Hawaii.

--Tithing stopped when my husband went inactive, and refused to pay. I paid out of my income, for a while, but soon I was on my way out.

--Gave up callings and meetings, except for Sacrament meeting organist. That was almost impossible for me to quit, because they needed an organist, and they guilted me, threatened me, love-bombed me to death. It was easier just to go do it. When summer came, I quit everything Mormon, and went off to play on the beach with my apostate husband and kids.

I Returned to Mormonism years later, temporarily, as a frightened divorced mom who was manipulated into thinking the LDS church was a good place to raise children, and that it was "Christian."

--No garments. I wore thick, dark clothing. I didn't believe in the temple.

--No tithing, because I was the only source of income for my family.

--Gave up meetings, and took the kids and resigned for good, when I found out the Mormons had abused them.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2011 06:59PM by forestpal.

Ishmael
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Tithing.

Church attendance.

Garments.

If tithing goes first, typically, there may be a known pattern within the corporation so that they double down on the revenue emphasis.

dressclothes
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
1. Tithing

2. Church attendance

3. Garments

nlocnil
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
All at the same time.

xophor
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
1.Tithing
2.Attendance
3.Garments

karin
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
No fast offering. i decided the 'poor' family that needed this money was US!

No fasting

Wore pants to church. Personal reasons. Wasn't trying to start anything or be 'rebellious'. It was for me.

Took garments off gradually as bot new underwear and old stuff wore out. Decided they were screwing up our nite-life. May have done some garment wearing to church but i didn't really wear stuff you could see garments thru anyway.

Started attending church late or often after sacrament meeting because above action led to more interesting activities sunday mornings instead :)

Stopped paying tithing. Dh was going to school full-time so we had no income. Any income that did come our way was not tithed. Did not pay tithing on rrsp's (canadian 401ks) we took out even tho they were created from non-tithed monies. Besides that i was totally disgusted that in this day of internet and tv, the GA;s thot they needed a great and spacious building to hold general conference from. i decided if they had that much extra money lying around, then i didn't need to pay them anymore. Except what it cost to put our butts into the pews, and some activities. The dollar amount may have varied for awhile.

Moved to another stake. Didn't attend church there. Didn't pay any tithing either. Were supposed to go back to church but while non-attending (due to very bad ocd on my part and a small baby and a ward that seemed very needy to us when we visited it) i found m* curtain web site and this one, ironically because i was going to pay something to a charity and was interested in what humanitarianism the church did. I did a google search, found an article about low charitable activities of the mormons and was curious and found these ex-mormon sites that had LOTS of really interesting info. Gone was my testimony.

This all happened slowly over 15 years. Starting out as liberal tbm and slowly gaining my brain and life back.

ken
Re: in what order did you eliminate the following:
Quit all 3 (and CES) all on the same day in 2002.

"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"