Rude Mormons at an Ex-Mormon's funeral

motherfreaker July 2012

A former member of the church passed away last week and he left specific instructions that he was not to have an LDS funeral nor was there to be anyone from the church involved in his service. His ex-mo wife arranged to have the funeral at the local funeral home and his obituary was printed in the local paper with the day and time of his funeral listed.

His wife made sure the funeral director knew that no LDS music or members were to speak or take part in any part of the service at all. They also had a viewing scheduled before the funeral where people could visit with his widow and family and pay their respects.

The morning of the showing and funeral his widow received a phone call from the funeral home telling her that there were two men there from the church and that they wanted to dress the body for burial. His wife, with extreme shock and anger, told the lady on the phone that under no circumstance was she to allow the men to be near her husband's body. The lady on the phone relayed the information to the men and they told her that they had been sent by the man's sister, an active member of the church, to dress the body in clothes that she had purchased for the occasion. The widow told the lady on the phone that she was not to let anyone near her husband's body and that was final. The lady on the phone said that she would make sure the widow's wishes were met.

That afternoon was the showing and funeral. At the conclusion of the showing their former Bishop arrived. The funeral director announced that they would be closing the casket shortly and that anyone who needed to say last words to the deceased needed to do so at this time. The widow was the last to approach her husband's casket and she spent a few minutes whispering her final words to him. When she was finished she turned and walked away with her back to the coffin. The Bishop saw his chance and stepped in front of the coffin and removed a white cloth envelope from inside of his suit jacket and placed it inside of the coffin and walked away. The funeral director saw what the Bishop had done and walked over to the coffin and pulled out the envelope the Bishop had shoved inside. He walked over to the widow and told her what he had seen and asked her if she wanted to include the envelope in the coffin. The widow opened the envelope and saw a temple robe, sash, apron, baker's hat, and shoes. She handed the envelope back to the funeral director and told him that he could throw the items in the trash and that the Bishop was not welcome to attend the funeral service.

The funeral director closed the casket and prepared to move the casket into the chapel for the funeral service that was to begin 30 minutes later.

The funeral was a non-denominational service and it lasted less than an hour and was attended by friends and family, both active LDS and non-members. Following the service there was a short procession to the cemetary where he was to be buried. The funeral director made a few comments and a few people and children placed flowers on the casket. The LDS sister placed a picture of the Salt Lake Temple on the casket. After the funeral director had thanked everyone for attending the graveside service broke up and people went their separate ways. But the widow, having witnessed her husband's TBM sister's sly actions, asked the funeral director to remove the picture from his casket and throw it away.

The funeral was just over a week ago and she is still livid. The church had to make every attempt they could to make it into an LDS-themed service. From the funeral clothes, to the envelope, to the picture of the temple, it was so inappropriate on every level.

I have heard some stories about lack of boundaries by members in the past but this takes the cake. What some people will do in the name of the church amazes me.

Mia
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
Disgusting. The arrogance is so over the top.

rainwriter
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
Agreed that that was so incredibly inappropriate and insensitive. (And cult-y crazy... if it's all symbolic anyway, what in the heck difference does it make, especially if he wasn't officially a member anymore... it's not like his endowments were still in effect or anything.)

deco
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
If that were a family member of mine I would have had a lawsuit against these people.

I think that lady should be repaid by going to the next F&T meeting that this bishops presides and using the mic until physically dragged off the stage.

The behavior of this alleged religion in inexcusable.

biblebeltbetsy
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
That is so disrespectful :( I'm very glad the funeral director respected the wife's wishes and didn't let that sneaky, douchebag bishop get away with stashing the temple garb.

If I had been the widow, I would've made a big production of returning the temple robes to the bishop...taken them out of the envelope, waved them in the air whilst shouting at him "Oh bishop so-and-so, you left these in the casket!!"

fidget
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
That makes me sick. How many boundaries can you cross in one day? So disrespectful...

DebbiePA
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
I'm so glad none of them got away with their underhanded actions. My sympathy to the widow and I hope she finds peace. In the end, her husband was buried the way she wanted, but I'm sorry she had the stress of others trying to sabotage her. You're right, this does take the cake.
frankie
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
I 'm scream livid mad thats these satanic people did this to her husband's body' It is so a slap in the face for this widow. disgusting. i smell a lawsuit. how can that man put this sh8t in the coffin like that. does he have a heart, even a brain!!!!!!. Like Deco has said go to that bishops church and tell the congregation what he did, embarass the hell out of him. this is the same as spitting in a open coffin on the deceased!!!!
me
Prevention of Mormon rudeness--
Long story made short---

1. Cremation
2. Visitation at Catholic Church before funeral mass.
3. Private interment
4. Gathering after where coffee and open bar is available.

No problems. Of course, this was the weekend that Warsaw Illinois had their 200th anniversary, so we were doubly safe.

Cut them off by practicing the opposite.

flyboy21
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
I wish I was surprised. This is what I expect from Mormons. I just hope they become even more famous throughout the world for being what they are.

JamesL
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
Any chance of getting the funeral director to serve as a witness when bringing charges of harassment against the bishop?
ambivalent exmo
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
I'm curious as to which state this took place in.
When someone dies,
there are specific laws regarding who has the legal right to disposition of the decedent's remains.
I could be wrong, but I believe in at least Oregon, California, Utah, Idaho and Arizona, the legal next of kin goes like this for a married man:
1. Spouse
2. Adult children
3. siblings.

Any other fsp's know the specifics? (It's been a long time since I was licensed).
Funeral homes look upon this stuff as uber serious.
This could be grounds for legal action against the funeral home.
In my experience, whenever we knew there was a family dispute over disposition of the body,
( burial, cremation, preparation of the body/embalming, services, dressing the body, etc.),
the funeral home was EXTREMELY careful in following the LEGAL survivors wishes.
I'm so sorry this happened to your friend.
Her anger is totally legit IMHO.

Gawd, what is wrong with these people???

.

anonn
Re: Rude- An Ex-Mo's funeral
Did anyone take pictures with a cell phone? Photos on youtube and facebook can bring great public embarrassment to the church. Screw the Mormons to hell in the light of day.

"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"