Recovery from Mormonism

by rallychild

So, I have just called off my mission this past Tuesday. This past week has been a crazy, emotional, wild ride after breaking the news to my family and friends. It's been liberating, but depressing at the same time. My whole life is going a completely new direction, and it is exciting, but scary at the same time as well.

At this point, since it is the middle of the semester, I am currently seeking a job and living at home. Despite my courage to tell my family what I think of the church, and to call off one of the biggest decisions of my life, I feel really worthless now. I feel like a loser for some reason. Even though it's not my fault that its the middle of the semester, I feel like the biggest bum in the whole world. I'm obviously planning on returning to college in the spring, but right now I just feel like a low life that disappointed my parents and is hanging out with old friends without a job.

I feel that once I have a steady job and enroll back into school, I will be a lot happier and think more highly of my new exciting life i'm about to embark on. But as of right now, I just feel really depressed because I have nothing going for me in my life right now because of my abrupt decision to not pursue a mission.

I really don't mean to be so self-absorbed to put down all of my feelings on a discussion board, but this is really something that is bothering me. Has anyone ever gone through a similar situation? Has anyone felt like this?

Thank you for reading.

Simone Stigmata
Re: I just called off my mission...
Yes I once totally felt like that when I was younger.It is a tough time of life to go through, but you will make it and be stronger at the other end.

Remember, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT THE CHURCH IS NOT TRUE.

matt
Re: I just called off my mission...
Loser? No. An escapee!

Tiff
Re: I just called off my mission...
Good for you. You are the opposite of a loser; you AREN'T throwing away two years of your life. You AREN'T brainwashing other people into a cult. You AREN'T sitting idly by and just doing what is expected of you.

You are a person who is making the right choice for you and everyone should respect that you are standing by your integrity.

Eric K
Re: I just called off my mission...
First of all - Congratulations on a wise decision! There are many of us here who wished we had made the same decision at that point in our lives.

You are by no means a loser. You have a good mind with the ability to think clearly. That is a great attribute to have and to use all of your life. Only a sick religion would make you feel like a loser. It is the religion that is the loser.

Once you are back in school you will feel better. Transitions are often tough and you are in one now. Remember, transitions end. You have a great life ahead of you. I am excited for you. Hang in there.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2010 06:44PM by Eric K.

smeagol
I think you are amazing...
for doing what you did. Sadly, I'm not sure I could have pulled it off just before going on a mission like you did. The social pressure would have been great. I'm trying to work up the guts to be my own person right now as well. Thanks for the inspiration.

- Smeagol

eddie
Good call
You should be commended. You have just made the best decision a Mormon can make when faced with the prospect of serving a mission. I wish I had done the same thing and saved myself the wasted two years.

hello
Re: I just called off my mission...
Celebrate, rally!

Major Bidamon
Re: I just called off my mission...
When I served my mission almost 20 years ago, I thought it was going to be a great advantage in the "real world". I was going to be a leader in the business world as a result of skills learned. I was going to impress people with my spiritual strength. I don't live anywhere near Utah -- guess what -- nobody (other than Mormons) cares if you served a mission. Not even worth a bullet on your resume! So don't sweat it. In time you'll see that it was just a decision. It will not ruin your life.

AmIDarkNow?
Loser? Loser? BS! You got NARDS buddy and you should be proud!
I wasn't sure if you would do it but dude, you now know what it takes to stand against the prevailing winds and yell "NO, NOT ME, I WILL DECIDE FOR MYSELF AND I CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY".

What you have is courage. Thats the difference between those that fight their fears and stand up for something "more".

Courage and the NARDS to do something about it.

Loser my ass.

Yeah its lonely and hard at first but given time you will thank yourself all your life.

The longer your out the more clear you see and notice things that will make you go "holy crap I'm so glad I'm out of that!" and your "thankfulness for the decision you made will only grow.

Here's a handshake for you from me and by the way, you are not even close to being alone. Thats why this board and others like it exists, for people like us who have....."the courage to act".

Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2010 07:12PM by AmIDarkNow?.

knotheadusc
Re: I just called off my mission...
Applause!!! Applause!!! Applause!!!

And this is coming from a nevermo that will never have to be subjected to your efforts to convert me or anyone else. More importantly, congratulations for making the right decision for yourself. I firmly believe that if you don't fully believe in what you're selling, you shouldn't be trying to sell it. And that goes double for religion!

Way to go!

outofutah
Re: I just called off my mission...
I am a firm believer that God meets us where we are. I also am a firm believer that God did NOT want you to go on a mission to try and convince people of a "gospel" that is false.

There is a God and he will lead you as you follow him. I suggest you read the book of John. God isn't interested in your church membership; he only wants your heart. You can give that to him right where you are, right now.

Others will pile on me for posting this but I don't care. Someday you will look back on this and be grateful you left Mormonism behind. For now, try not to let your feelings take over; give it all to the God who cares and he will not leave you.

out

NVE
Re: I just called off my mission...
The right thing to do is usually the hardest thing to do in my experience.

If you are like me you will experience higher highs and lower lows until you adjust to your altered relationships with LDS family and friends. Make sure that you have someone you can really lean on in the low times, probably a non-member. If there is no one in your immediate circle then there are plenty of people here that may be able to help. You seem to have developed a first rate BS meter in working out the LDS deception so you should be able to work out who to trust.

Charley
You're very brave.
I did the same thing many years ago and still wonder where I got the courage to stand up to my family and the ward. Somehow I did it and I'm still convinced I made the right decision.

People may tell you that you'll regret your decision for the rest of your life. Bull! I believe in the years to come you'll look back with pride that you had the courage to say no to a mission.

Now you need to get a job and save some money for school or for a place of your own. It's tough living with family after saying no to a mission.

I wish you the very best.

Badger John
Re: I just called off my mission...
Praise God! You did the right thing, but doing the right thing will cost you, and it could be painful and lonely for awhile. That is the price of honor. If doing the honorable, right thing wasn't so costly, more people would do it, and the fraud known as Mormonism would crash and burn alot faster.

Heathjh
Congrats on the uncall of the mission. To feel more worthwhile while looking for a job try....
Try volunteering. The public schools, old folks home, soup kitchen , etc. It with help you feel worthwhile and show your parents you have good intentions.

Greyfort
Re: I just called off my mission...
You are a winner. You dared to be true to yourself in the face of what must have been huge pressure to conform.

They say that missionaries leave as teenagers and come back as adults. But you just grew up a lot on your own, because you've learned that part of being an adult is realizing that you can't live your life to please other people.

You follow your own path, respecting others along the way for their choices and expect that same respect in return. I know you've just gained ours.

That couldn't have been easy, but you did it. But you still are in a transitional stage in your life, while you continue on with your schooling. You'll certainly be ahead of those guys who return from their missions in two years, having put their schooling on hold.

wabey
Re: I just called off my mission...
I'm a lurker here, coming out of the woodwork to say GOOD FOR YOU!! It takes so much strength to stand up to family, friends, expectations and culture and be your own person. Spring will come sooner than you think, and before then you can fill your time with tons of positive things (any of which will be more positive than being a salesman for a religion you don't even buy). Hold your head high, even if your peers don't respect your choice. Know that there are people who understand and respect your decision, even if it's an anonymous board. Congratulations on your bravery!!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2010 08:29PM by wabey.

Adult of god
Good for you!
I was a sophomore in college myself when my good guy friend returned from his mission. He sought me out to say hello, and I was stunned. His eyes just looked lifeless. I made up my mind in that instant that no son of mine would ever, ever serve a mission. And he didn't.

It was 24 years later when asked him if he wanted to go on a mission, as his friends were all gearing up to go. He said he thought it was an OK thing to do, but he didn't have the testimony for it, and that was it.

It was easier for him as he left Orem and went to college in a big city. He still had to work and eat ramen, but he has lived his own life, for which I am profoundly grateful.

So, I want you to know I really do mean Good For You, RallyChild!

PS. Please stop using such extreme negative language against yourself. It is way too black and white. You won't feel better until you do. So, stop it, OK? ;)

caedmon
Re: I just called off my mission...
Good for you! Don't give up on this semester. Many colleges offer 2nd block classes that start mid-semester. Call an advisor and get going.

scootertramp
Re: I just called off my mission...
Good for YOU!!! As a former TBM (It didn't take long for me to realize I was headed down a definitely WRONG path) I applaud your GUTS in making the proper choice for YOURSELF. All those around you in the Morg will tell you all kinds of BS about how you "ruined your life"....You've just BEGUN a new BRIGHTER one!!! Strangely, none ot them (except maybe some members of your immediate family) will be around to offer support or assistance if you should need or want it. That "service" attitude disappears mighty fast.

Go forth and do good things, and search for and find the things that make YOU a happier, healthier person. You're obviously well on your way!!! Congrats!!!

Timothy
I salute you! 

SusieQ#1
Re: I just called off my mission... ----------And everyone here will call you a WINNER! 

honestone
Re: I just called off my mission...
I agree with knotheadusc. No one should go off to sell something they do not believe in. You have saved yourself 2 yrs. of misery. You have saved nonmormons from listening to "the discussions" from you when you don't even believe it. You are to be congratulated. Once back in school your whole attitude will change.

My adult daughter is in between jobs and feeling much like you right now. She made a ddecision to move on from a job she disliked but must wait around til a new opportunity presents itself. It is hard but continuing on was hard too for her. Good luck and be filled with JOY over your choice to live your life as you see fit. You deserve it. Your family will adjust. You have shown them you will be your own person.

honestone
Re: I just called off my mission...
Oh, do I ever agree with outofutah. Yes, yes, yes.

socrates2
One of the most depressing times of my life was when I got BACK from
my mission and felt like I had wasted two years. Kudos for the blaze of honesty and courage.

shannon
My husband bailed on his mission to Belgium just before he entered the MTC . . .
He felt scared and unprepared and refused to serve. It was a terrible scandal. He dropped out of BYU and eventually left the Mormon Corridor to move 2,000 miles away.

He felt shame and guilt for years for making that decision, and his family shunned him. Don't let that happen to you.

Hold your head high. You are a young man of integrity. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of! Do not second-guess yourself or carry shame around with you the rest of your life like my husband has.

Your situation right now is very temporary. You have your whole life ahead of you and it's going to be a great one!

Good luck,
;o)

michael
Congratulations!
You are a worthy person. If you'd accept it, I'd give you a HUG and tell you that it'll all be OK.

I'm a hugging type of person and I know the benefits of hugs.

Fetal Deity
Congratulations!
I know that was a difficult decision--going against the collective will of your social-support network always is!

You are NOT a loser--although it may take some time to convince yourself emotionally of that. Keep researching and researching and establish new social networks and eventually the wisdom of your decision will really sink in!

Best of luck to you!

Glo
Re: I just called off my mission...
It's just a rinky-dink cult, based on a fake book which has already been disproven by DNA.

Don't let members get to you, they're the idiots.

Get back into college ASAP and don't look back.

You just saved yourself from a lifetime of misery and being fleeced by a cult.

Re: I just called off my mission...

Our sense of self worth is usually closely tied to how we are perceived by those close to us. The closest people to us are our family. Your family and primary teachers and youth leaders and bishopric members etc. have spent YEARS installing buttons of guilt and self-loathing into your psyche. When you do what THEY consider wrong you get a "tsk tsk" from them. And if not in reality then in your own mind.

You have to recognize this for what it is. Dealing with all the stuff that has been psychologically installed in you since birth is a huge part of the recovery process. When you find yourself thinking this way tell yourself, "ah, this is me reacting the way they have conditioned me to whenever I'm not 100% gung-ho Mormon. I have to not give in to it, it's the dark side."

Posted by: happycat (
HapyKatzi Happz.

I'm happy that you decided to preserve yourself. From what I read from the accounts of MANY RM's. A Mission was a very very horrific experience. They spoke of being sent to 3rd world countries, and returning with a rather painful souvenir, parasites. Some missionaries have died from violence, accidents, and met some very very gruesome ends.

- For example, there were these Sister Missionaries, in Chile, who closed their windows air tight, to preserve heat..... The heater consumed the air.

-http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700005957/2-Mormon-missionaries-die-in-natural-gas-leak-in-Romania.html

-Again some Missionaries were kidnapped by violent people. etc etc etc.

-http://mormontruth.blogspot.com/2006/01/mormon-missionary-memoriam-those-who.html (There is a segment that discusses what the Church REALLY thinks of missionaries).
-----------------

I served my mission, in Taiwan, as of my Chinese heritage, and I can speak the language. It was relatively peaceful. I felt like a loser as I had no luck converting ANYYONE. I had no support at my family were not Mormon. Nor, did I have the so called World enlightenment experience, of visiting another culture etc. We were expected to tract professionally of course....

But as people have mentioned here, and as you learn about the true nature of Mormonism, is that it is a fradulent religion, based on "Zardoz" (Sean Conery movie, about Sean a savage named Zed, learning that his "Gods"( Zardoz), is merely a Fabrication.

We make many allusions to Wizard of Oz, and other like posts, and suggest many movies that helps us desensitize to these lies.

I'm just glad that you don't have to waste 2 years, on a religion conjured up by a Valuderville, Swindlinder, Flim Flammer, and other Victorian words that describes Cheat. If it helps, picture Joesph Smith as one of those bowler hat wimpy Snivling weak spinned, fucktards with the curly moustashs, from a forgotten and backwards era that respresented the ass crack of epoches. (you know when Herione was legal).

Posted by: forestpal
You have our support and admiration! I'm so happy for you!

Here are a few things I learned from friends who refused to go on a mission:

The Mormon church is a cult. One big difference between a cult and a religion is that a cult makes it very hard to leave. Christian religions just let you walk out the door. They don't take attendance. The offerings are voluntary. They don't demand that you do slave labor for them.

Brace yourself for love-bombing, then harrassment, then shunning.

Please remember, you are the SANE one who knows the truth. It is the Mormons who are brainwashed cult followers. You might need to remind yourself of this constantly, as one friend after another walks away from you.

Think about the girls who will not date anyone who has not been on a mission. Think about what life would be like with such a woman--how she would treat her husband and children. Mormons are taught to put the church FIRST--ahead of family. Do you really want to be involved with one of those?

The Mormon church isn't about Christ. It is about money, manipulation, and malls.

As you read more ex-Mormon stories, you will learn that the Mormon church is notorious for breaking up families. One of my friends left his mission early, because he didn't like breaking up families, by converting people out of the religion they'd shared as a family for many generations. Don't let the Mormons break you off from your family. Thomas Monson himself encourages parents to treat their "apostate" adult children differently and with less consideration than the "faithful" adult children. (You can search last Conference.)

Most important: the Mormons don't own God. The Mormon priesthood can't tell God what to do. God (the real God of the Universe) loves you unconditionally.

I resent they way Mormons ASSUME that because you want out of their little Joseph Smith cult--that you don't believe in God or Christ or the Ten Commandments, and that you want to sin. This is an assumption they are taught to make. You will have to be extra careful to prove you are a good, law-abiding, human being!

Since I left the Church (my ancestors were among the founders), I am happier, less anxious, less afraid of death and the hereafter. Live has more meaning and value. My faith in God has increased.

A few suggestions: keep praying! Take online or correspondence classes, build something, clear the rubble out of your parents yard, make yourself very handy around the house, read whatever interests you (you don't need to read anti-Mormon literature), exercise outdoord, work out at the gym, cultivate your non-Mormon friends.

Even if you have to wait until sprin--you will still be two years ahead of your Mormon missionary classmates.

It is OK to be happy, to laugh, to have fun! Don't let others make you feel bad about yourself!

Posted by: transplant in texas
congrats!!!

congrats! i'm so proud of you! you had the courage to do the right thing! it's just a little cult that has absolutely zero significance in the larger scheme of things. although he hasnt said it, i'm 99% certain that my TBM little bro regrets his mission. he never ever brings the subject up, goes out of his way to avoid speaking the language he learned & spoke out there, and when people bring it up he looks uncomfortable and changes the subject.

sounds like "the best 2 years of a life" to you??

go get a background check & volunteer somewhere, you can put that on your resume, or you could take a 8 week class..

Posted by: bingoe4
I look up to you!

I wish I could have seen though the facade, you are not a loser simply for that. I didn't see through it as quickly as you did. Also I was a convert so when I left I wasn't disappointing parents.

YOU ARE VERY BRAVE.

Like others have said, look into a community college and see if you can take a class there. And, like you said, go get a job. I think supermarkets are almost ALWAYS hiring.

Posted by: EssexExMo
Re: I just called off my mission...

Good for you

take advantage of this board and don't worry about sounding "self absorbed"...... This is a RECOVERY board and there are many people here to offer you support at a difficult time.

as you have already seen there are people who can offer you advice about college and volunteer work in your own country/area. there are also many people here from the 'Mormon colonies' (eg, the UK) who may not have such 'temporal' advice, but will have been through the same 'spiritual' journey

so.... come back any time and just ask whatever you need to know.

good luck
P

Posted by: voltaire
Look at it this way:

Now you're only going to waste three months doing nothing constructive (while waiting for the next semester to start) rather than wasting twenty-four months doing nothing constructive. You've just created an incredible opportunity for yourself by freeing up twenty-one months of valuable time! Now you can not only finish your undergrad education ahead of your Mormon peers, those two years you've saved can be devoted to getting a graduate degree thus placing you that much further ahead of them in the professional world.

You shouldn't feel like a loser. You have just learned and exercised a valuable lesson: don't waste time following avenues that you personally feel are dead-end streets.

Good luck and best wishes. You have a great future ahead of you!

Posted by: fancypants
Re: I just called off my mission...

I know our local community college has 8 week courses each semester and the second 8 week session begins on October 11th. I don't know if that might be a possibility for you but it might help you feel more productive. Otherwise I would throw yourself into a job and save money and really help out around the house. Cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry are two tasks that the majority of moms hate to do but need to be done everyday. I bet it would really warm up your mom if you took it upon yourself to do those things twice a week. Cooking dinner is another good one.
This sounds a little weird but make sure that your mom sees you doing it. Don't go show her, wait until she is home and near the kitchen before you start loading the dishwasher. Or spread out the laundry basket and clothes in the family room and watch some tv (mom approved type of shows of course) while you fold the laundry.
I'm telling you, food might be the way to a man's heart, but cleaning the kitchen and folding/putting away laundry is the key to a mom's heart.
Good luck with everything, You are so fortunate to have figured this all out before getting married in the temple and 4 young kids to take care of!
One of the only reasons I'm not more bitter is because without having been in the church I probably would not have met my husband, nor would I have my wonderful kids (though it would be nice if there weren't four of them 5 and under hehe... would have spaced them out a bit more).
Anyway good luck and keep your head up and stay out of trouble.

Posted by: Don't do it
Re: I just called off my mission...

I commend you on your decision. I did the same thing. It wasn't easy to hold my head up at the time. I had to rely on myself. It's an amazing burden when all you want is to succeed in life. Stick with it. I wish you strength and luck. 20 years later, I've never even reconciled it with the family. I am second tier. Hmmm, on second thought.........maybe you should still go. It may provide you some perks along the way.........well....just be true. Don't go.

Posted by: quinlansolo
Re: I just called off my mission...

Dude, you just added two genuine years into your own life.
Celebrate!

Posted by: Don't go
Re: I just called off my mission...

It's the best decision I ever made.....to not go. I left BYU the same year. It's also the most politically, financially, socially, emotionally devastating decision I ever made. But, you gotta live a true life somehow.

Posted by: Ex Aedibus

Like you, I didn't serve a mission. It was hard leaving, especially being the eldest child and not having anyone who'd been through the experience of leaving Mormonism there to help me.

As hard as it was, I am grateful that I learned the truth about Mormonism when I did. I did not marry in the temple and raise children in Mormonism. Had I done so, my exit could have been much more difficult.

Congratulations to you and best wishes for your future. The time ahead may be really hard, but if you're strong enough to get through this traumatic period, you'll be fine.

Posted by: amos
You're a pioneer

The strain you're feeling is from the impossible dilemma of pleasing your dearest kin by faking it. Their disappointment is based solely on the logical premise that the church is true and that therefore the error MUST be on your part, then sociology and psychology take over and you see the spectrum of compensating behaviors.

A mission, for you, would be immoral. It isn't true and you know it. Faking it to please your kin would be a travesty.

But then, what to do instead? Education not indoctrination. Get an education, go as far as you can. It's a tortoise-and-the-hare situation. Some of your peers will go on missions and come back looking like a hare, having "done something", while you'll still be an undergraduate tortoise slowly wending your way through school. But, time will bring out your potential and theirs all the same.

I went on a mission 20 years ago. It indoctrinated me so thoroughly and was so intolerant of my own humanity that I reached the brink of suicide before finally letting go of it. You CANNOT live or teach a made-made dogma as God-spoken universal truth without fucking with deep places in the mind where you have no business.

Posted by: Southern Man
Re: I just called off my mission...

I wish I'd had the courage to do what you did. I wasted two irreplaceable years of my life trying to convert perfectly happy people to a cult that made my life miserable. Everything about my life went to hell while I was away for those two years. I came back home to no home. I admire you.

Posted by: Trail Boss

Re: I just called off my mission...

I remember feeling how you're feeling between the time I finished a semester of school and left on the mission. Much different situation, of course, but a common thing to feel down. In my case, all my peers were gone at either school or missions, and there wasn't much for me to do but prepare for the next step.

Hang in there and get ready for an awesome life!

Re: I just called off my mission...

Congratulations,
I wish I had the courage to do what you did, eight years ago. You are just the opposite of a loser, you have stood up to a establishment, and are cuting your own path. Anytime, the morg or anyone else makes things difficult for you, look me up on facebook or e-mail me and I will help you however I can. Just remember you have made a great decision in following your own convictions.
Gordon Weir
gweir87@hotmail.com

"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"