Exit Timetable
TalesOfTheCalypso Jul 2014
I spent
25 active years in the church
4 inactive months questioning
2 years out before I told anyone I was out, and then only my sister
1 additional year out and as far as I know it's still a secret to the rest of the world.
How did yours play out?
HarryBelafonte
Re: Exit Timetable
Very interesting, TalesOfTheCalypso.
If, here on RfM, there was a thread on exit timetables before, I don't remember it.
I very much look forward to reading everyone's responses.
Harry Belafonte
blissfulcrush
Re: Exit Timetable
-Solid 15 years.
-Next 3 was questioning but still active.
-1/2 year atheist and stuck acting Mormon.
-To be continued...
koriwhoremonger
Here is my data
40 years TBM BIC Pioneer Stock etc.
2 weeks of frantic Google based research
6 months pretending
10 years keeping my marriage and family together post apocalypse.
nomo moses
Re: Exit Timetable
27 years TBM (mission, temple marriage, etc)
3 years out (church court)
18 years extremely active and trying to make it all work. Why did I work so hard to get back in and make it work???
3 months planning my exit.
3 years happily resigned and divorced
lumanwalters
Re: Exit Timetable
22.5 years fully active, fully beleiving
2 years fully active, having serious doubts
1/2 month fully inactive thinking of resigning
Announced I was leaving, mom lost it.
Fell in love and got married in the temple
1st year married we were sporatically active but really, realy trying to make it work and forget my doubts. No calling. Spotty attendance.
1/2 a year not believing at all after my research but attending with wife.
We left together about a year and a half after getting married.
Good Clean Fun
Re: Exit Timetable
23 years fully orthodox
10 years acting orthodox with faith that doubts would be resolved
2 years of increasing intensity of doubting
10 months of orthodoxy after a strong spiritual experience
Sudden collapse of shelf after watching "Kumare"
1 year of exiting, coming out to wife, parents, family, friends
Trying to hold family together while being honest with my children
twistedsister
Re: Exit Timetable
40 years in altogether, active, with callings
15 years putting items on the shelf
5 years shelf really starting to wobble but still active
2 years a little angry, depressed - leading to shelf crashing
6 months out now
After I decided it was a fraud, it was about 2 months until I told my TBM parents. I still needed time to process leaving, and we needed time to tell our 3 teen children.
iris
Re: Exit Timetable
58 years (BIC, BYU, mission, temple marriage and three children, two daughters are RMs) - the previous couple of years were spent trying to reconcile attending to becoming inactive.
Followed by 3-1/2 years of not attending and not disclosing my unbelief to my siblings (my parents had already passed away).
Full disclosure to my siblings last fall. Some rough times.
Resigned in December 2013 along with my husband, one daughter and son. My other daughter is out of the church for all intents and purposes.
jrichins278
Re: Exit Timetable
23 years gung-ho TBM (Pioneer Stock, BIC, temple marriage, etc.)
12 years Active, held church callings, trying to "fix" my husband because he wasn't gung-ho. Had minor questions I put on a shelf, but nothing major
1 month of listening to a Post-Mo at work talk about church history issues I had never heard about
1 hour of internet searches and a talk with my husband and we never went back. Gathered our garments in a trash bag and gave it all up.
1 year out, still trying to figure out how to tell others. Only my parents know at this point and we still haven't talked about details.
Jonny the Smoke
Re: Exit Timetable
About 6 - 7 years old: I don't believe it and I don't want to go to church, its all made up, no one is alive that was there, why should I believe it?
Age 13: My parents allowed me to stop attending meetings....free at last.
Age 22: started feeling a need for a more "spiritual" connection in life, meaning, direction. Only thing I knew was mormonism, so I opened up to trying it again. Met some nice kids my age, got active, served a mission in the Caribbean, came home and married in the temple.
Age 24 - 28: Attending CC and BYU getting my degree. Didn't mind church, but didn't really like being a mormon. Too controlling, self-centered, not fulfilling, etc. Didn't bring peace to my horrible marriage to a rage-a-holic.
Age 28: At BYU, read the Tanners big blue book "Mormonism: Shadow or Reality". Started to see evidence that it was made up. While reading a book for a BYU class on greek mythology, the character in the story described a visitation by muses, spirits, etc. I realized at that moment that the LDS church did not have a corner on spirituality or experiences, so why should I believe what they say over anyone elses claim?
I quit for good at that point, so did my angry wife, but I keeped it on the DL so I could finish my last 2 years at BYU.
Ended up leaving the angry wife after 15 years of hell and marriage (13 years ago). Am now very happily married to a never-mo for the last 7 years and life has never been better!
Lightworker
Re: Exit Timetable
Active for 24 years
Inactive for 4 years.
Attends meetings to support TBM spouse - past 10 years. She is a good person and we keep religion out of any conversation. For her and me our relationship comes first.
Leviticus
Re: Exit Timetable
31 years TBM active, fully tithe payer, temple attending, calling at the time was executive secretary.
1 weekend studying Brandon Pearce's essay and realized the church was all a farce.
Met with the bishop on the following Tuesday to tell him I needed to be released as his secretary
Officially resigned 1 year later
Count Chocula
Re: Exit Timetable
The thing that stands out to me in reading these exit timetables is that practically everyone went through a period where they were still active for a while even though they had doubts.
To me, this explains the New Order Mormons -- those that stay in TSCC even though they recognize some falsehoods.
From reading these accounts, it seems like it is part of the process to "fake it" for a while before finally leaving.
Anon Dunn
Re: Exit Timetable
18.5 years "active" (BIC Pioneer Stock) even though I never had a testimony, never really cared about going to church (booooring), but forced to go. I even dropped out of seminary, which I guess was the beginning of the end. She was disappointed, but accepted it. (I appreciate that)
19 years inactive -- My father was exed/divorced, so I went to where he lives to go to college, and have never looked back. (And I am glad that I didn't have to endure any pressure for a mission)
I may resign, but I will wait until my mother passes away so she won't be offended. She knows that I am not active, but we are on good terms.
anony
Re: Exit Timetable
33 TBM, BIC - Pioneer stock, Most Molly Mo. you ever met (so sad but true)
3 days youtube and mormonthink
Next Sunday, refused to go to church. Never set foot in a church again, just got migraines and refused to take kids.
6 months later resigned with DH and 3kids.
that was over a year ago now. WOOT!
I knew in 1hr that it was all false. I had to wait days and months to stir up how dh felt. But we studied and debated a lot on Sundays.
DH
34 TBM,BIC-Pioneer stock, mission, temple marriage, temple worker, bishopric, (why do we leave resumes?) lol.
3 days intense study with me to save my falling testimony, while his was breaking at the same time.
He continued callings for 2.5 more months and informed them that they needed to call someone new, while family stayed home sick... (the ward thought I was dying or something). During church, in secret he was studying more like crazy, mormonthink, etc. Then Sunday nights we spent more time researching like an obsession. We knew it was all false, and were shocked.
I cried tears of joy when dh asked me if we should type up and mail our resignation. And well that's the rest of our story...
SO Happy our family of 5 are out together!!
Most friends can't understand why Sister Molly and Peter Priesthood left the building.
TheOtherHeber
Re: Exit Timetable
- BIC Uber TBM Up to 28 years old
- Studied "Advanced history" for 4 years, on and off
- Watched "Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration" last October and confronted it with history I already knew. Felt insulted.
- Read "Essays" last December and felt disgusted at lies.
- Shelf completelly collapsed before the New Year.
- 1 Month to tell wife.
- 2 Weeks for DW's shelf collapse.
- 1 Week to tell parents, SP and Bishop.
- 2 Months to resign
- 1 Week to announce in Facebook why I left.
munchkin
Re: Exit Timetable
34.0 years totally faithful and active
0.5 years learning the truth, but still active
1.0 years inactive, no longer believing
1 month since resigned
Jesse
Re: Exit Timetable
23 years active but with some doubts. BIC (not in Utah and not pioneer heritage, thank goodness), served mission, attended BYU.
5 years semi-active, no longer believing. Had started researching after the mission and realized the LDS church wasn't what it claimed. Living with a girlfriend off and on. Attended only for social reasons.
2.5 years completely inactive but not yet resigned. Started becoming more vocal with family/friends about the LDS church being a fraud.
Resigned about 4 months ago, shortly after my 31st birthday.
Stray Mutt
Re: Exit Timetable
- 19 years being a good Mormon kid, thinking I believed because everyone said the church was true, feeling unworthy most of the time even though I was a good kid, a bit of a golden boy
- Came back from mission disillusioned by seeing the dark underbelly, by having leaders who lied and bullied
- 1 summer going to the temple every week, still feeling disillusioned
- 1 year back in college slowly drifting away, trying to deal with guilt and confusion
- 2 years in college mostly inactive, going just for the social aspect
- 3 months after college, living in Los Angeles, semi active because I needed friends in a new place
- Dawned on me I had always been an atheist, stopped going to church
- 22 years ignoring the church. Married a nevermo, divorced partly because of unresolved issues with conditional love and feeling unworthy
- stumbled across RfM, decided to make leaving the church official
GC
Re: Exit Timetable
16 years active while growing up;
two-year, full-time mission;
one year active;
6 years mostly inactive;
one-year active to keep then-wife happy;
12 years fully inactive; and
then resigned and now out for 13 years!
Thanks to RFM for making me aware that one could resign -- t'was one of the best decisions I ever made.
dejavue
Re: Exit Timetable
26 years active but with some doubts. BIC, served mission, temple marriage, 5 kids, played the game. thinking I believed because best friend bishop along with older sibling said the church was true. Feeling unworthy all of the time even though I was a good kid. Nauseating golden boy with festering anger from unresolved issues.
Quit believing at age 27 but scared to really say it in the mirror. No longer believing but not brave enough to confront cognitive dissonance. Had started researching and realized the LDS church wasn't what it claimed. On the edge of suicide at times. Attended only for social reasons.
20 years studying and became mostly inactive and finally resigned in 1991 but remained closeted. Started becoming more vocal with family/friends about the LDS church being a fraud.
Finally found self love and began to feel worthy of living.
Benvolio
Re: Exit Timetable
TBM (mission, temple, EQP, etc) - 20 years
Active unbeliever (HC) - 4 years
Inactive member - 20 years
Exmo - 3 years
and still married to a TBM
me2
Re: Exit Timetable
32 years BIC, endowed,temple married (then civilly divorced)
5 years fully believing but inactive after abusive relationship with tbm
remarried to another tbm
4 months researching and coming to terms with knowing the full impact of the church on my life
3 more months for my husband to choose to leave
4 months later we were fully out
8 months of morg free living!
Unconverted
Re: Exit Timetable
41 years mainline protestant before converted
2 years active with husband (inactive LDS, rejoined), doctrinal doubts throughout, but liked the people
2 months realizing that TSCC is not compatible with Christianity, that I had joined a cult of crazy people and deciding to leave
15 months free - never been happier
ilikecheese
Re: Exit Timetable
16 years being half-active in the church while growing up.
6 years TBM, including serving a mission.
1 year closet doubter. I still attended church.
1 year complete inactive. So far so good.
Pretty soon I guess I will resign to add exmo to my status. I need some closure so my mother will give up hope that I will return to the flock one day.
sizterh
I hope it is okay I elaborated and didn't just do bullet points.
BIC
Age seven in preparation for baptism did lots of praying to prepare myself. Took baptism very seriously.
At age twelve thought something was funny with the church, couldn't put my finger on it.
At age 16 made a conscious decision to immediately shelf any concerns with church and not contemplate them. Saw how questioning/rebellious siblings were treated. ( Did not want to be thrown by hair into car for trying to get out of church.) At this time felt it was necessary to survival to 'play the game.' Only acceptable social outlets were church related so I threw myself into them. I was even head of the youth planning committee. During this time I realized I did not agree with the churches standards in many ways but never let on.
Age eighteen I got a job in retail and requested to work Sundays. I was still living at home and wanted a reason to not be able to attend church. My dad was not happy but did not press the issue.
I wanted a bellybutton ring. After many prayers came to the
realization that God was not concerned with piercings of any kind. Mom caught a glance of it and told me I'd have to leave the house if I didn't remove it. So I moved out at age nineteen and did not attend church any more.
I was still brainwashed in many ways. I was afraid to make a decision in full consciousness about the church. I knew I didn't like it but "how could it not be true." I lived in this state for many years.
At age 28 I came on this site. I was reading some threads and was stunned at the information out there. I did not trust the internet because might be "anti-mormons" so I ordered early editions of church books. Read them and knew by fact it was a fraud.
I still had to pray about it and was elated to realize it was all a sham and I never had to go back.
Kept my name on the roles for a few years until I realized no way in hell did I wan't to be counted as a Mormon. Formally resigned and never happier.
Thanks that was cathartic.
cl2
Went inactive in about 1994
due to the fact my ex was ex. sec. and cheating with men. I was 38, extremely devout, TM, married RM. The bishop called me in to tell me that my ex was going to be one of the next 2 bishops. I thought "over my dead body" and went inactive so that he wouldn't be called and so our marriage wouldn't fall apart in front of the ward.
I went back to church now and then--sat on the sofa in the foyer during SM so I wouldn't get called to any positions (I was called to several while I was inactive even in Utah--YW teacher for one). For many years, I was just surviving. In approx 2004, one day it all fell apart, basically moments. I resigned in January 2012.
Sky Seer
Re: Exit Timetable
Convert. Active for 15 years; lots of leadership callings including bishopric. Read "No Man Knows My History" in 1989, quit believing, went inactive for a couple of years. Returned to church for family reasons. NOMish until about a year ago but just can't stand it anymore. Luckily, I work a long shift on Sundays and random shifts during the week, so the ward pretty much leaves me alone.
finallygetsit
Re: Exit Timetable
My family joined when I was 8.
I was pretty much TBM most of my life... with some reservations.
Married in the temple just before I turned 23.
I went inactive for about 2 years when I was 25 - more from wanting a break from it, than anything.
Became fully involved again when I was about 28.
DH attended sporadically.
Between ages 28 -43ish, I held pretty much all of the positions a woman can hold except for RS president. (Thank goodness.)
From that point to about 10 years the shelf started getting heavy... and I was conscious of putting my "happy going to church" face on every Sunday - certain that everyone could see right through me.
During that time, I became aware that I truly WAS a hypocrite, whereas before, I had merely been a sinner (trying, but falling short).
I still attended faithfully & accepted all callings. BUT, I started going out of town frequently to visit my DD.
I had just decided to go inactive (not based on any new knowledge, just vague dissatisfaction) about 2 1/2 years ago when my husband decided to re-activate. So I delayed going inactive & continued attending with him.
Though I had a current TR, DH hadn't had one since we were first married - so the bishop assigned us to temple prep classes. Our temple prep teacher had us studying the D&C. That was where my real journey out started.
DH (having retired) had more free time than I do, and had started looking things up on the internet. He started showing them to me - and we both came to the conclusion that the church was false.
In September, that will have been 2 years ago.
We went to the bishop and told him that he needed to release us from our callings, that we had serious reservations about the truthfulness of the gospel & that we needed time to sort things out.
We have not been back since.
DH & DD have both sent in their resignations (and received confirmation that their names have been removed).
I am waiting to officially resign because my parents are in poor health (my father will be gone at any moment), and there is no point in breaking my mother's heart when she is already going through so much.
"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"