Did you keep going to the Mormon church while you were learning the TRUTH?

by confused feb 2012

Two weeks ago I accidentally started learning the truth about the book of Abraham, polygamy, temple, etc. We haven't been to church since, but last week we agreed to keep going for the next month while we figure this out. I don't think that I can do it. I don't even want my children to learn anymore of these lies. Did anyone else keep going to church while they were learning the truth about the Mormon church?

How long before you just couldn't keep going anymore?

You were all so great about answering my questions about teaching children faith after leaving the church. My husband and I really enjoyed reading all the responses and they were all so helpful.

I have so many questions & I hope that you all don't mind helping us with more of them. I have no one to talk to about this, so finding this forum has been very informative.

forbiddencokedrinker
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
I personally left the church first, because I felt really guilty that I was sleeping with my fiance before we were married. I even tried drinking a little shortly thereafter, but never really did more then take a few sips of anything, because I still felt guilty. Only after being gone two years from the church, and being tired of all the guilt, did I start to look into the details. Though I had already been having strong doubts, and was pointing out flaws in Morg reasoning, long before that point.

As we all know, it is a process getting your mind right.

kimball
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
It's been almost two years and I still go for the sake of my family - but sacrament meeting only. I can only take so much bs in one sitting. The social aspects aren't bad either.

I've considered striking a deal and taking my kids to some other church every other week, but being an atheist I don't much see the point. I just have to counter their teachings with intelligent discussion at home. I found my own way out, and I didn't have even that. In the end I think I can use it as a way to help my kids learn how to distinguish deception, as well as live in harmony with people they disagree with.

As for morality and living a good, healthy, happy life, religion really isn't necessary when you think about it. I also think you can have faith in humanity, and not have to believe in anything supernatural for which there is no good evidence. Then again, that's just me, and may not work as an ideology for everyone.

suckafoo
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
Stay until you are ready to leave. It took me a long time to be brave enough to leave it. I questioned for quite awhile until I had no more questions. When I first posted here, no one was urging me to leave ASAP. They know how hard it is and that each journey out is different and contains different sacrifices and risks. Some are brave and some have more fear of being ostracized from family, different support systems etc. Some ultimately have families who leave them entirely: children, parents, wives or husbands, but for them to live an authentic honest life is more important than anything else in the world. I find them very very brave and full of character. But some people can never leave it because the sacrifice for them is too great.

Mia
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
After i discovered the truth I went to sacrament meeting. I didn't make it half way through, before I had to get up and leave. I was surprised to find that what i wanted to be a spiritual safe haven the week before, now felt evil and contrived.

kookoo4kokaubeam
You'll know when its time.

forbiddencokedrinker
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
It's funny that you should mention that you only go to sacrament meeting. When I was RM TBM, I had a hard time sitting through all three meeting blocks. It just fatigued me, and plus I always felt awkward in Sunday School and Elder's Quorum, because I felt like the other members viewed me as a child, since I was unwed. It was rare that I stayed through all three meetings. Hardly ever went to Elder's Quorum, sometimes stayed for Sunday School if there was a cute single sister in class that day.

kimball
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
Oh the memories! My singles wards sunday schools as a TBM were only made bearable by writing snide comments with my friends or sitting next to a girl I liked. And I was way into the church at the time too!

concerned_parent
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
So much of it depends on your spouse, your callings,your kids ages. the church tends to entwine itself around so many areas of your life.

I attended for over 6 months and taught relief society. Mercifully the ward split and I was released. I attended because I had a believing spouse and I was still trying to come to terms with it all.

There are other forums like NEWORDERMORMON where they still attend for family reasons and The Foyer for people who have one foot still in but would love to get out as well.

So much of it is how to find a way to save your family relationships and not lose your mind in the process.

It gets better. Go slow and give yourself time to process things.

anagrammy
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
Kimball, if you are an atheist and are taking your children to church for social purposes, then you might consider a less lethal dose of religion than a cult.

There are minimally invasive religions that really are benign and "do no harm." Others kill non-believers. And everything in between. I would take my children to the Unitarian Church so they could learn some respect for other religions other than LDS (assuming you are in the MOrridor).

Otherwise, you are going to be faced with your children marrying LDS and you will see them beaten down, male and female. There's nothing sadder than seeing the pain endured by perfectly fine young men tortured by visions of themselves as worthless sinners because they masturbate. Or young women seeing themselves as stained trash because they had sex out side of marriage.

Don't want that life for yourself, why would you allow it for your children? No intellectual thought conversations at home are going to make up for all their friends being LDS. Think about it-- the sadness of not participating in church with friends they already see at school vs seeing some new people with attractive, tolerant, diverse ideas who actually have parents who encourage thinking for themselves and who discuss a variety of religious ideas IN CHURCH!

Most of us want better for our children than we had.

Anagrammy

Ex-CultMember
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
Served a whole mission and attended for about 3 more years. I tried my hardest to believe in it and thought maybe its just a trial of my faith. I studied EVERYTHING inside and out and the scale just kept tipping to the side of the church NOT being what it claimed. I tried to find "the good in it" but realized yhe purpose of the LDS church was to preserve and propagate itself and that activity in the church was simply attending brainwashing sessions over and over again. It felt like a waste of time. I finally couldn't take one more day of it and officially went inactive (and 2 years later resigned).

Now I can't believe how long it took me. Wish I had more common sense back then and followed my gut feeling.

myselfagain
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
Once the seed was planted in my mind that 'hmmm...maybe there are real problems in this church', I wanted to do something I hadn't done much since becoming a member- namely THINK for myself, look objectively at all sides, and make my own decision. I went to church sporadically for a couple of more months, now the decision has been made and I will not be back.
nomo moses
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
I continued to attend and fulfill all my callings for months after I had decided it was all bogus, and had even planned the date I would submit my resignation. I did have times that I would leave PH meeting when the topic went to something I couldn't stomach listening to. I stopped going to sunday school about a month prior to resigning, and used the time to practice/play the organ.

After I resigned I continued to attend SM with the family, until my now ex challenged me on why I was attending. She asked if I was just attending to please her. When I told her yes, she stated she didn't want me there anymore. I stopped attending with her. About a month later she filed for divorce. I attended only when my daughter was on the program after that, but have not attended in almost a year now. DD no longer tells me when she is singing or talking.

kimball
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
I don't know, all of my friends have always been mormon, and still are in fact. I still don't have a single ex-mormon among them, and yet I found my way out. I credit that to secular schooling, as I got little of the necessary instruction at home or anywhere else.

If I offer my children the necessary thinking tools, and a safe haven for disbelieving, it shouldn't be a problem. The worst thing I could do would be to undermine their trust by lashing out against a religion that is so important to their mother. The best thing I can do would be to create an environment where both mormonism and non-mormonism are equally accepted.

The best way to protect people is to educate them, not insulate them. George Orwell had it right, I think.

Stray Mutt
Yes, but in a different way than you mean.
I didn't study my way out of the church. I tapered off on participation for a number of reasons, none of which had anything to do with learning the true origins of the church.

First was because of the self-loathing the church inflicted upon me -- over nothing. I needed relief from that. Second was that the doctrines began to feel meaningless. Third was a few experiences with nasty, lying high-level leaders. These jerks were chosen by God?

The TRUTH that finally hit me was that I just didn't believe any of it, that I had gone along because everyone had been telling me it was true. It was a short step from there to realizing the BIG TRUTH -- for me: I was an atheist.

That made researching the church pointless. Little by little, over the years, I picked up a few tidbits here and there, but I never went on a quest to get to the bottom of it all.

imalive
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
I only go to SM but keep attending to keep peace in my family.

pamarnold
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
I found some "anti" literature right after my mission. It was my brothers who was on his mission. He didn't hide it very well. :) Anyway....I pretty much denied myself the opportunity to leave then. I was just in huge denial.Fast forward many years. About two years ago. I did more research and justified away those truths again. Last April 20th I sent in my resignation letter and have never looked back. I am sooooo much happier now. The depression I had all my life was GONE completely. I think your brain tells you when something is not right. Sitting in church with my husband was extremely difficult because my eyes were opened and I could see how unhappy people were. I looked around and thought there is no way I can put my children through this until they were 18. I had to lay my foot down on this issue. I didn't care if I ended up divorced at the time. I didn't want my girls to grow up in Primary and Young Womens and feel there only worth in life was to be a wife and mother. My daughter has already told me that she doesn't want to have children. I told her she can do or be anything she wants in this world. She wants to be a Zoologist.

deconverted2010
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
I came to my first 'maybe the church is NOT true' moment when serving as RS president. I continued to attend, fulfill my calling as I continued to study. Within a couple of months I stopped paying tithing but continued with everything else. I really enjoyed my calling and decided to serve until released or until I really couldn't do it anymore. There were a few times when I wanted to quit all but most of the time I was OK. It was actually liberating to 'serve' when you know it's not true and can recognize the manipulations, are able to stand up to silly ideas and comments and just don't care as a TBM. I was also able to offer some genuine good advise. It was great, without the guilt and knowing I could say no at anything, I enjoyed it much. I served for almost two years like that and was getting to the end of my rope.

One day a new bishop was called, He found out I was not paying tithing and puff I was released. With a big smile on my face I said thank you. I've been to church a few times and I find it very hard to sit through everything. "A mind stretch by a new idea can never go back to it s original dimension" are the words that often come to my mind during SM. I don't want to leave openly, I was hoping to slip into inactivity, but that it's hard, people notice and call me even if I just leave a little early. I already rejected a calling. I think right now my name is being discussed in their meetings. But honestly, I'm losing any desire to attend, except for the social part and the acquantances I have in this particular ward.

Not believing is a wonderful thing, the tricks stop working.

King Benjamin
I went for about 7 years
I was one of those cognitive acrobats. But once I decided it wasn't true, and that no amount of mental games could prove otherwise, I still stuck around for over a year, serving as Gospel Doctrine teacher. Then the Book of Mormon year came around, and I was forced to make the leap.
yours_truly
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
For emotions turn to the family, for facts turn to science, for the truth turn to religion...
forestpal
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
I agree with everything Anagrammy wrote! Sometimes posters seem to forget that Mormonism is a CULT, not a religion. There's a huge difference!

About educating children...um...there's reading, and observation, and example, and illustration, theories, hypotheses, etc. You don't learn about cocaine by snorting it. Having your innocent child attend a cult so he can learn about it--that is just an excuse, because you are too much of a coward to leave.

My children and I became instantly inactive one Saturday, when they told me about the abuse they had been suffering. Behind my back, when I was at church early for rehearsals and to play the prelude, the priesthood leaders, several times, broke into my house, and pulled my sons out of bed, yelled at them and pushed them around, forced them to get dressed without showering or even combing their hair, and literally kicked their butts up the stairs and into their van and to church, where they were teased for their rumpled, bed-head appearance. What kind of church physically forces kids to attend meetings? My daughter then told us about how the bishop's high school senior creep of a son molested her, when she was 9, at a church campout. She woke up with his hands all over her body, under her sleeping bag and her clothes. She screamed and woke up the other children, who all witnessed what was happening. The bishop, who was there, threatened my daughter and all the other kids not to tell anyone. I did not know until that Saturday, and I told them that they never had to go to that church ever again. Later on, I discovered the dark lies, accidentally, when I wanted to get a temple divorce, and end the terrible hold the cult had upon me.

I could never pretend to believe--I'm not wired that way. The few funerals and missionary talks have made me sick to my stomach. My son actually walked out of the last funeral, when the bishop got up to preach at the end. Now, I go to the viewing, and pay my respects, and sign the guest register, and send flowers if necessary, and go to the graveside ceremony, but skip the funeral.

snowball
Re: Did you keep going to church while you were learning the TRUTH?
I kept going. Probably longer than I needed to. But I wanted to be sure about what I wanted to do before taking any noticeable steps.

Soon I could only endure one hour. After awhile, even that became unbearable. I would get headaches listening to all the childish lies and ignorant blather escaping the mouths of otherwise intelligent people. So I decided it was best to stop attending, and I officially resigned several months later as a means of really moving on with life.

Leaving the LDS Church was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"