Called to see the bishop - Learn to say No

Lex Apr. 2014

Got a text summoning me to see the bish. It is either a calling or another discussion about tithing or my lack off tithing to be precise. Seeing as I want to leave the church neither are welcome but I just can not say no to these people.

ladedah
Re: Called to see the bishop

If you can't say no, just block their number on your phone, refuse their calls. You can't let them have any authority over you. I'll help you practice.

I ladedah command you with my authority and powers to go and eat your garbage and wash it down with a drink of toilet water. I tell you this having been granted authority over you because the flying spaghetti monster gave it to me in an amazing ceremony where everyone present cried because they felt the pasta so strongly.

Did you say no to me? Oh good, because you should. My power is made up, and so is his. Your money is your money, and you can decide what to do with it. Tithing is just an elaborate game of Multi-level marketing, and he's just the Mary Kay regional representative, hoping to get the pink car by harassing the little guys.

themaster
Re: Called to see the bishop

I did not get the text. dang. Are you sure it was for you? What would happen if you did not go?

Finally Free!
Re: Called to see the bishop

Yes, I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment, but you can say no to these people.

It took me a long time to realize it, but even as a TBM, I knew that these were just people, doing the best job they could. They were just men or women with a calling. No matter what that calling was, they are just people, often with little training.

You don't have to be rude about it. You don't have to be mean. But if you don't want to meet with them. You can say, "I won't be able to meet, I'm busy." and leave it at that. You may have to repeat yourself, but you don't have to apologize (you're not doing anything wrong) and you don't have to give excuses (it doesn't matter what excuse you'd give, all they are going to hear is something to overcome to get you to meet with them).

Also keep in mind that if your Bishop is a returned missionary, he was trained by the church for those two years to be a high pressure sales person to get you to always say yes. He doesn't think of it that way, but it's true.

You have a lot of power, don't give it up to anyone else. It's your life! How do YOU want to live it.

Lex
Re: Called to see the bishop

Ha good point. It isn't even the power they proclaim to hold it is the fact they are so sickly sweet and nice, I feel bad saying not to things when they have just been really nice.

Finally Free!
Re: Called to see the bishop

If they nicely ask you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?

It sounds like a silly question, but it's not really. They are nicely asking you to give up 10% of your income, all kinds of time to serve their church for free, and a lot of mental well being to live under their doctrine... While it's not quite jumping off a bridge, I'd almost rather take my chances with the river than I would with the church.

Sale people in stores treat me nicely, they want me to buy things and they know that there's a stronger chance of that happening if you'll say yes if they are nice. Yet, most people have no problem saying no to the expensive piece of furniture that they can't afford, no matter how nice they are. Being nice doesn't mean that they know whats best for you.

You can say no, politely and even nicely, but also firmly.

sanitationengineer
Re: Called to see the bishop

And they are that way specifically to guilt you into it. Don't give in to the guilt. the first time will be hard then next time less so ans so on.

moremany
Re: Called to see the bishop

You have to say no to them or they will say yes to you. YES, YES,YES; more, more, more.

lv skeptic
Re: Called to see the bishop

Actual recent discussion with my bishop

Bishop Bro Skeptic, we need you to accept a call as a home teacher

Me No, you don't

Bishop What do you mean?

Me You don't NEED me to accept a call as a home teacher

Bishop Why not?

Me Easy. You call me, and I won't do it. I haven't home taught in 25 years. It is a waste of a program.

Bishop So, what is the harm in accepting the call?

Me No harm to me, it will just ruin your numbers

Bishop If you accept the call, you will probably change your mind and go out and visit the people

Me Listen, I was not a home teacher when I was the Stake Clerk, I as not a home teacher when I was on the High Council, I was not a home teacher when I was the gospel doctrine teacher. No meant no back then, no means no now.

Bishop

"No" is a very simple concept.

william22
Re: Called to see the bishop

A Text message?

Send back and say 'Bob, is this you? You were an ass in Seminary and this joke is dumber than dog crap - so piss off you jerk!"

Then don't answer any more. Make him work and wonder and maybe he will get the message.

Stormin
Re: Called to see the bishop

Your No Concept is even better if it is accompanied with "I don't believe in the Church or JS anymore" concept. The logic is simple ------ I can't and won't take an assignment because I do not believe JS was a prophet I believe he was a liar and a fraud and the resulting church a Scam. Why would any Bishop try to talk me into ANY church calling or HT if that is what I believe and would teach or talk about????

Riverman
Re: Called to see the bishop

My conversation last time they came over to 'extend' a calling.

Very Nice Bishop Counselor (VNBC) - We would like you to be an assistant scoutmaster.

Me - Oh, one of those callings to get the inactive guy to come back to church?

VNBC - No, your son is going to be in the scouting program soon and thougth it would be nice for you to do the activities with him.

Me - When you say soon - its 9 months from now. I don't need scouting to do activities with my son.

VNBC - Your wife (TBM) said you had a lot of fun with the Teachers Quarum (sp?).

Me - I did, but that does not mean I have any desire to do it again. No, I am not interested.

VNBC - The Lord...blah blah blah blah

Me - started laughing

VNBC - Sorry, I will not try to guilt trip you into it.

Me - Good, I was really getting embarrassed for you.

VNBC - Would you at least consider it when your son does turn 12?

Me - If it makes you fees better when you leave here thinking that I will change my mind when he turns 12, you are welcome to think that, but I would not hold your breath.

VNBC - Ok, thanks for your time.

Cheryl
Yes, you actually *can* say no.

I'm serious. The dread is worse than the deed.

Simply practice your refusal a few times and when the time comes buck up and say what you need to say.

madalice
Re: Called to see the bishop

I'm a really nice person. I need you to give me about $50,000 dollars by next January. I'll keep being nice if you mail it to me by Monday. :

See.....It's not that difficult to say no.

Charlotte Darwin
Re: Called to see the bishop

If you do not return the text, what will they do, fire you? They have absolutely no legal claim over you. Why would you subject yourself to something that you dread and is 100% voluntary? You have a life, live it. Don't let someone take it away from you. Really.

bezoar
Re: Called to see the bishop

If they're sickly sweet and nice, just be sickly sweet and nice when you tell them no. "I'm not interested in meeting with the bishop. Thanks so much for asking!"

If your experience is like most of those on this board, though, eventually you'll have to firmly tell them no in a way they can't possibly misunderstand. I'd go with, "The bishop can kiss my ass, but thanks so much for thinking of me!" (See, you're still being sickly sweet and nice.)

Pooped
Re: Called to see the bishop

When same thing happened to me it was a phone call rather than a text and I asked why the bishop wanted to see me. That confused the secretary so I asked him to have the bishop call to let me know what he wanted to meet with me about. Never heard from either of them.

If I were in your place I would just ignore the text and the next and the next etc. etc.

iris
Re: Called to see the bishop

We stopped attending the ward very quietly. My husband didn't want to ruffle any feathers. But after two years of drop in visits or, if we didn't answer the door, lots of knocking and ringing between 8:30 0 9:30 pm on Thursday nights, we'd had enough.

We received an email from the HPGL telling us that the bishop asked him to contact us and make an appointment for tithing settlement. He wrote, "The bishop is available Wednesday evening at 8 pm or Thursday evening at 7:30 pm. Which time is better for you." Now this HPGL is a total prick and also our former bishop.

My husband didn't respond to the email. Just left it hanging there. It felt good. I mean if they come after us after two years of inactivity for tithing settlement, they will come after anyone for anything IMO.

wasalmostamormon
Re: Called to see the bishop

Lex, practice this response "I would rather not."
No matter what the question, just stick to the same answer. It is not rude, but it is non committal. Just keep repeating it. If it makes it easier you can even apologise. I am sorry but "I would rather not."

I know a lot of people here will say, there is no need to be accommodating, but if it is in your nature - or conditioning - not to be confrontational it is sometimes very difficult to be rude or even straightforward.

You can however repeat this phrase ad nauseum.
"I would rather not."
"I would rather not."

You do not need to give a reason apart from ...
you get the idea?

No Mo
Re: Called to see the bishop

Ignore the text and delete.

Pooped
Re: Called to see the bishop

P.s. And do not answer the door when he comes to your home and gets really annoying.

AmIDarkNow?
Re: Called to see the bishop

Start practicing no now. It’s a hell of a self esteem builder!

I gave my 15 year old son (at the time) the right to say no if he so chose when his newly assigned HT’r called to tell him, not ask him, that they were going out that night. Heard the conversation. He kept saying no thanks. Not interested. Nope. Don’t want to be a HT’r. Goodbye. And that was that. I told him I was proud of him standing up for himself for something that he did not want to do.

The only differences between my son then and you now are two things.

One. You get to give yourself permission to say no.

Two. You get to tell yourself how proud of yourself you are.

Oh and one other thing. He was a kid and you’re all growed up now. My son took courage and stood firm.

What are you, as an all growed up adult going to do?

Sooner or later you’ve got to decide who is going to live your life. You or the church?

Today is a great day to decide.

matt
Re: Called to see the bishop

Yes. You can say no. I did. Bishop wanted to interview me after I sent my resignation letter.

I sent him a polite, yet firm letter declining his offer as I had already resigned and he was no longer my Bishop. ;o))

smo
Re: Called to see the bishop

It's rather long, but this article in Psychology Today was dead on:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201310/the-power-no

madalice
Re: Called to see the bishop

That article is so good I wish it had a sticky at the top.

Saying NO is one of the most difficult things for exmo's.

Saucie
Re: Called to see the bishop

Why can't you say no? Are you an adult ?

The church is not your master. If you are a grown up

start acting like it. The church will not do anything

to you. Its time to be your own person, not a puppet

of the mormon church.

lovelilith
Re: Called to see the bishop

A few months ago I got a phone call to see the bishop. I said "I'd rather not. Thanks for your understanding."

The next day I got another call saying he'd been thinking of my family and felt impressed to contact me again to make an appointment with the bishop. I said "I'd rather not. Thanks for your understanding."

And that was that. I think most people are not jerks--they're just trying to do what they think they're supposed to do.

Stumbling
Re: Called to see the bishop

Lex, don't think about this, just do it:
Reply to the text saying "No thanks, I will contact you when I want to meet up."

I repeat, don't think it through, just send it...do it....NOW!

excatholic
Re: Called to see the bishop

No is a complete sentence.

wanderinggeek
Re: Called to see the bishop
I totally get the idea of being nervous about it. I was scared to send my email to the bishop telling him I no longer believed. But after I did and he responded with how he was "sad" for me and all that. He asked if we could meet. And I just simply said there was no need to meet. I haven't heard form him since. No EQ people, no HT, nothing.

For me the whole thing of "They have no power over you" was very big. Realizing that I don't have to bow down to them. And that I can stand up and do what I want....or don't do what I want :)

notamormon
Re: Called to see the bishop

Great article, thanks for posting.

I bookmarked her blog.

"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"